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Kelly Oxford is . . .
A wunderkind producer of pirated stage productions for six-year-olds
Not the queen of the world
An underage schnitzel-house dishwasher
The kid who stood up to a bully and almost passed out from the resulting adrenaline rush
A born salesman
Capable of willing her eyesight to be 20/20
That girl who peed her pants in the gas station that one time
Totally an expert on strep throat
Incapable of making Leonardo DiCaprio her boyfriend
A certified therapy assistant who heals with Metallica mixtapes
"Not fat enough to be super snuggly." Bea, age four
Not above using raspberry-studded sh*t to get out of a speeding ticket
"Bitingly funny. But everybody knows that." Roger Ebert
Sad that David Copperfield doesn't own a falcon
A terrible liar.
“With biting wit and always-appreciated humorous self-deprecation, Oxford’s tweets have garnered a huge following .”
“Kelly Oxford is one of the funniest writers I have read in a long time.”
“Kelly Oxford is a b*tch who got lucky and never paid her dues. She’s just like me and I love her for it.”
“I’m fascinated by Kelly Oxford. She’s a 21st century public diarist, her story told in shards, brief moments of wit and observation.”